Love is inevitable. Our very existence is proof that, for thousands of years, people have found their way to each other. And yet, for many, romance feels more impossible than ever.
The question “What do you bring to the table?” has become a prerequisite before the appetisers are even served, turning dating into a vetting process rather than an opportunity for genuine connection. At first glance, the question may seem practical and necessary. Commitment puts you in a vulnerable place, so it makes sense to establish your expectations before investing emotionally in someone. After all, no one wants to waste their time. How often it is brought up in real life or online discussions highlights exactly how that market in this age has evolved.
Unlike the older generations — who found romance through personal introductions or proximity — today’s singles navigate a more complex dating landscape consisting of people who feel compelled to micromanage the process in their search for the ideal relationship.
This brings the discussion to the ongoing debate with the popular seven-word question that has elicited strong reactions, especially on the Malaysian ‘For You’ page. After a local TikToker claimed that men should be the sole provider — and women should not have to bring anything to the table — a heated online discussion quickly ensued. While some supported her perspective as clap-back against transactional dating, others dismissed it as entitlement, arguing that glorifying women in this way strips them of their true agency.
What began as an unpopular opinion evolved into a broader conversation about gender roles, class divisions and power dynamics in modern relationships with everyone putting their spin on the matter. In true Malaysian fashion, the outrage quickly shifted to a more humorous route, with the public playfully sharing how they could only bring unfinished assignments, back pain, or their rarest vinyls to the table, just to poke fun at the entire discourse. Perhaps deep down, we all recognise the tension between what love is supposed to be and what it has become. Yet beyond the local context, the conversation resonates widely.
Gen Z grew up watching romantic comedies portraying love as spontaneous and fun. Yet today it feels like an obstacle course filled with unspoken rules and silent tests. Instead of it being a natural occurrence, it has become something to be wary of. Consequently, many have turned to social media for cheat codes or hacks.
These rules often seem smart on paper but tend to collapse in real life, especially for a generation that tends to overanalyse every interaction. For example, the three-month rule suggests walking away before the relationship becomes serious. Or how living by the phrase “If they wanted to, they would” justifies minimal effort. Perhaps acting detached toward someone’s persistence is seen as a way to appear more desirable. These mindsets persist because no one wants to risk looking foolish, making mistakes or worst of all, getting hurt.
As a result, people turn love into a calculated game instead of pursuing the genuine connections they desire. Social media has blurred the line between personal value and public perception, making individuals hyperaware of how they are viewed. Ultimately, the issue does not stem from having standards but rather the implications of those rules. This strays from getting to know someone and instead becomes a matter of who has a better track record or higher social status.
At the end of the day, love is about genuine connection. It does not matter how many accolades you put on that table because they do not create intimacy in the same way that true compatibility can. These qualities can only develop over time as you authentically get to know someone and allow your feelings to evolve naturally.
Maybe the only thing truly worth bringing to the table is an open hand — one that reaches out not to impress, but to connect. Because relationships are not about what you have to offer, but how willing you are to show up, to listen, and to have companionship with someone you sincerely enjoy spending time with. And if you are lucky, you will find someone reaching back.
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